How to talk to Strangers

Today a little boy (maybe age 11 at most) said hello to me on the subway. I said hello and continued my reading but it seemed like he wanted to chat and when I looked up again he said "New York is a beautiful city". Turns out he was visiting from Guadalajara, Mexico and his parents were comfortable with him and his younger brother chatting up people on the subway. I learned that he was in town for 4 days and then headed to Boston. It was not his first time in NYC, he attends an American school in Mexico, and he liked talking to strangers cause he "always learned something new". In fact, he was able to hold a very good conversation--better than some adults I've met.

I also enjoy talking to strangers. Although we are taught as children to avoid talking to strangers, I think we should actually only be taught to not talk to "scary" strangers. "Scary" encompasses any strange vibe or discomfort you feel from a stranger.

Before I give these tips for talking to strangers I know some of you are wondering why you should even bother talking to strangers. It is really up to the individual but approaching someone you don't know may be interesting, can help pass boredom, and might lead to something positive.

Tips for talking to strangers

1. Start with a broad statement that features a shared experience.

Maybe the boy I met today will have a future in diplomacy. He knew how to start a conversation with a positive and broad comment about New York. This works because I live here and he was visiting. Other topics like the weather are boring but they are safe and if you want to talk to a stranger, stick to a safe opening.

2. Ask a question.

Waiting in lines is a good opportunity to talk to strangers and it helps pass the time. The last time I was in a really long line to get into the Picasso Museum in Barcelona, I talked to the American family standing in front of me by asking them where they were from. Asking about someone's reading material is also a good opening. I've found myself curious about whether someone else enjoyed the same book I see them reading and strangers have asked me about my reading material too.

3. Make sure you have an out.

If you decide to talk to a stranger, it is best to not talk to them without an "out" in mind. Knowing how to end the conversation is as valuable as knowing how to start one. If you are in line, your out will be when you are both inside a venue. If you need an earlier out, you can look off into the distance and hope the stranger gets the hint, or you will need to pretend to make a phone call or have work that you need to get done in line. If you are on the train, your stop or their stop is your "out" but you should be prepared to get off earlier and jump onto another car if you have to.

Let me know if you use any of these tips already or have some to contribute!

Getting your emails read

Roughly a month ago, I came across an interesting and useful post by Fred Wilson, a venture capitalist based in NYC, titled "How to Get Your Emails Read." The original link is here.

I receive emails from current Smith students and also send out emails to people I don't know so I was definitely curious to know how someone who probably gets hundreds of emails a day determines which emails to read.

From what I can tell, it starts with having a compelling subject line. Personally, I I'll open the email when the subject line

1. Has a specific request/action/update
2. References where we met/what it is that connects us
3. Wildcard attempt

Number two, referencing how we met/why there is a connection, is the subject line I receive most often and use most often. I've personally successfully used "TFA Conference-- Asian Women's Leadership University" to follow up with people after a conference. I've also used "From one Smith alum to another" or "Hello from a Smithie" to reach out to alums and have opened emails to me with "Smith Student seeking your Career Advice" in the subject line.

I can't think of a recent example where I had to reach out to someone new with a very specific request/action/update in the subject line but reading Fred Wilson's post, he uses the example of "Twitter board date change" and says "that double works. Portfolio company name plus very descriptive."

The third type of subject line is the most fun. I usually use it when the person is a complete stranger and a long shot. I usually reference the project in the subject line or the latest attempt that has worked for me is to use that person's quote in the subject line. I hope they recognize their own quote and the extra effort on my part to find it.

Reaching out to someone through email is the most common way that I follow up with people I meet in person. Next week, I will share some tips on email content.