How to talk to Strangers

Today a little boy (maybe age 11 at most) said hello to me on the subway. I said hello and continued my reading but it seemed like he wanted to chat and when I looked up again he said "New York is a beautiful city". Turns out he was visiting from Guadalajara, Mexico and his parents were comfortable with him and his younger brother chatting up people on the subway. I learned that he was in town for 4 days and then headed to Boston. It was not his first time in NYC, he attends an American school in Mexico, and he liked talking to strangers cause he "always learned something new". In fact, he was able to hold a very good conversation--better than some adults I've met.

I also enjoy talking to strangers. Although we are taught as children to avoid talking to strangers, I think we should actually only be taught to not talk to "scary" strangers. "Scary" encompasses any strange vibe or discomfort you feel from a stranger.

Before I give these tips for talking to strangers I know some of you are wondering why you should even bother talking to strangers. It is really up to the individual but approaching someone you don't know may be interesting, can help pass boredom, and might lead to something positive.

Tips for talking to strangers

1. Start with a broad statement that features a shared experience.

Maybe the boy I met today will have a future in diplomacy. He knew how to start a conversation with a positive and broad comment about New York. This works because I live here and he was visiting. Other topics like the weather are boring but they are safe and if you want to talk to a stranger, stick to a safe opening.

2. Ask a question.

Waiting in lines is a good opportunity to talk to strangers and it helps pass the time. The last time I was in a really long line to get into the Picasso Museum in Barcelona, I talked to the American family standing in front of me by asking them where they were from. Asking about someone's reading material is also a good opening. I've found myself curious about whether someone else enjoyed the same book I see them reading and strangers have asked me about my reading material too.

3. Make sure you have an out.

If you decide to talk to a stranger, it is best to not talk to them without an "out" in mind. Knowing how to end the conversation is as valuable as knowing how to start one. If you are in line, your out will be when you are both inside a venue. If you need an earlier out, you can look off into the distance and hope the stranger gets the hint, or you will need to pretend to make a phone call or have work that you need to get done in line. If you are on the train, your stop or their stop is your "out" but you should be prepared to get off earlier and jump onto another car if you have to.

Let me know if you use any of these tips already or have some to contribute!